(cue sexy time music…look at those bad boys…aww yeah…ahem…I mean….)
Well, perhaps not nachos since I was a 3 year old island-born Puerto Rican transplanted to Sylvania, Ohio in the middle of the winter of 1988. But EVENTUALLY, there were nachos. And hot dogs. And cake. And low accountability for personal decision making and healthy behavior.
It’s no secret that I have lived most of my life as a plus-sized female. It’s also no secret that I have often joked that nachos are my favorite food group (and very well might still be after all of this!). But, from a very young age, weight has always been an issue for me. I shopped for larger sizes starting in elementary school, skipped certain activities that required bathing suits and running and missed out on social events because of my size. Despite this, everything else in my life has been wonderful. I have a fantastic partner and daughter, a great job, wonderful friends, a loving family and an overall pretty great self-esteem. But (and there’s always a but) I have finally reached a point in my life in which I have achieved so much and met so many of my personal, professional and academic goals that I’m finally ready to tackle my biggest challenge to date: my health. There has always been a part of me that has always wondered: what would this be like at a normal body weight? How much MORE could I accomplish if I didn’t have bad body image days or low energy or unnecessary fatigue and pain? How much awesom-er would my life be if I could feel as though I could go anywhere, fit into anything and be physically active at a moment’s notice?
Now don’t get me wrong, I can say with confidence that I have never once looked in the mirror and thought to myself “I hate what I see”. Hate is a very strong word and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have used it and actually meant it. The truth is I, thankfully, have had the privilege of being surrounded by so many people who love and care for me for the way I am that I have always felt good about the person that I see. But, but, BUT, there are still times when I see myself in the mirror or in a picture and I cringe and think “I know I can be and do so much more with this body”. And that’s where I am at right now. I had had enough of just wondering what I MIGHT be capable of accomplishing.
There was a time, back in high school, when I had a glimpse of what that looked like. I was working my tail off in competitive color/winterguard and I was down to a size 8/10 with the biceps of a quarterback. I remember feeling incredible, so full of energy and life. And I miss that feeling. I miss the slight invincibility that comes with being able to jump up and run around like a madwoman for hours and hours without feeling like I might die.
I also miss being able to walk into any store and purchase clothes in a normal range of sizes. Now granted, I have always been on the higher end of those sizes but I didn’t have to go out of my way to find special sizes or wait for online orders to come in because the stores I’d like to purchase from don’t carry plus sizes in house. And it’s these experiences along with my own personal desire to be as healthy as possible and as available to my daughter as possible that have given me the final push I needed to say enough already.
So, as of early November, 2012, I have been a loyal member of Weight Watchers, and a somewhat loyal gym member. I have lost 10 pounds and 2 BMI points in 11 weeks and although that doesn’t quite equal a pant size, the looseness of said pants plus the boost in my energy levels and overall attitude are all I need to keep going. And also, all of you!
Turns out, social media can play a huge factor in successful weight loss! I believe it too because since I started sharing my journey on Facebook, the encouraging words from the most unlikely of friends along with suggestions and new ideas have only fueled my fire. So that’s why I’m here on wordpress and also here on facebook, to hold myself accountable to all of you while I finally begin to hold myself accountable after all of these years.
Oh. And if you’re curious as to what my current weight is and what my weight loss goal might be, all I can say is, well, I’m not ready to say. In fact, I’m not sure if I ever will be ready to share all of that. I’m happy to share how much I’ve lost and any other improvements that will result from it but for now, I have decided to only keep the numbers on the scale to myself (and also to my WW leader) because I believe that publishing numbers will invite judgement and assumptions. Clearly, I’ve made poor choices, I don’t deny that. And let’s be real, I will probably still make some along the way. But I’m not here to keep beating myself up or to invite you to bully me either. All you need to know for now is that I am considered obese by my doctor and my only goal today is to get back to ONEderland* once again.
Until next time…peace, love and
*That’s fluffy people lingo for weighing in the 100’s.