Although I am still riding the excitement wave of Tuesday’s weigh-in, these last three days have been dreadful fitness-wise. Since about Saturday night, my little peanut has had a terrible time sleeping. For reasons known (she’s been getting tangled up in her newly introduced blanket) and unknown (inexplicable sleep-crying, perhaps a night terror?) I have been getting up at all hours of the night just untangling her or calming her back to sleep. In turn, my last three attempts at getting up to work out have failed because I’m just too tired.
Last night, after dinner was eaten and babycakes was tucked in with the dinosaur pillow I made her and a less cumbersome blanket, I headed out the door to the gym. I got in the car, pulled out of the alley and could not figure out why the steering wheel was at such a sharp angle. I pulled over and jumped out only to find a completely flat passenger-side tire. Seriously? I was mad, I thought “I can’t even go to the gym now??” There were many more choice words after that as I backed down our one way street to get the car back into the garage.
The upside to all of this is that if I had not decided to go to the gym, we would not have uncovered the flat until morning and we would not have been able to borrow my neighbor’s car to pick up a tire inflator from Home Depot like I did last night. This morning would have been awful with having a tow truck as our only option and a toddler in tow. Fortunately, mancakes is saving the day and handling all of that since I had a 9 am appointment at work.
My next failed attempt happened this morning. After everyone finally got a night of sleep, my alarm went off at 5:20 am and I almost did not get out of bed. And then I did and as I put on my crappy old gym shoes (because I forgot my new shoes at work), I started to get really mad. Mad about being awake, mad about not being able to take the car to the gym, mad at Jillian’s stupid skinny face. She started the warm up for Level 3 and I just said nope. I couldn’t do it. I was not willing to do the Shred today, I shouldn’t have gotten up, I should have stayed in bed. Instead I tore off my shoes and went to sleep on the couch for 20 minutes before having to get up and shower.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I feel guilty that I haven’t worked out. Well, ok, after yesterday’s homemade banana French toast, I’m feeling a little guilty. The thing is, if I’m going to do it, I want it to be on my terms. I wanted, so very badly, to go to the gym and run on the treadmill. I wanted to watch crappy silent tv while I listened to my playlist on my ipod and sweated my life away. I wanted to get out of the house and move my body.
My temper tantrum wasn’t about being awake so early to work out, it was about wanting to get that euphoric feeling I get when I’m doing something I like to get my heart rate up. Jillian, 27 days of 30 day shred gave me results but it didn’t give me that feeling so I just didn’t want it today. The funny thing is, I was feeling crappy because I hadn’t worked out in a few days and then here I am, about to work out and I didn’t want to work out. Oh lord, now I know what’s it’s like to be a toddler.
I know I’m not alone here. Or am I?