So I lied a little. I said wasn’t going to get back on the scale for a while but I went to WW to weigh-in anyway this morning. Part of it is just habit. I’ve been doing this since November and it’s become an anchor in my week that helps keep me accountable. The other part was sheer curiosity! I had been gaining steadily for three weeks before I decided in last week’s post to just not weigh myself anymore. Despite all of that, I just really, really, really wanted to see if any of the focus I put in last week paid off and well, it did. I’m down 2.4 lbs (for a total 35.4 lbs lost) which means I worked off all the weight gain from the last 3 weeks and then some. Or maybe I didn’t work it off per se, I could have just been going through some sort of adjustment with my body. Since I have been on this journey, there have been two other times where weight just crept back on unexpectedly (ok, maybe not THAT unexpectedly) only to disappear entirely and then some the next week or two later.
So I guess for someone who made some long-winded statements (this is my schtick, if you haven’t figured this out by now!) about just trying to be in tune with her body and do what feels right, I obviously wasn’t paying attention to my own words. I’m now understanding that there’s a rhythm to this process. Weight loss is not this = that, it ebbs and flows much like so many other things in our lives. Some weeks, I really do indulge a bit and might not make all of my workouts which justifies a gain. Other weeks (usually following an EARNED gain) I might have kicked my own butt back into gear, stayed on top of my points and exercise and still gained again, leaving me feeling disappointed and ashamed. But 7 days is an arbitrary number to assign my body and my progress. I can’t expect my body to just do what I expect it to do whenever I want, if I still gain again the following week, it’s because I might still be paying for the stuff I did the week before.
This reminds me of what it has been like to become a parent. I have struggled and still struggle with being patient through my daughter’s developmental stages. I look back on how difficult it was for me to transition from an individual to a mom and how I literally had to be ok with not doing things (like showering, using the bathroom whenever I wanted, making plans with friends) because I now had this little creature that depended on me and her father. I set out to be one of those super moms, going right back to work because I wanted to (not because I was all out of paid leave), finishing graduate school without missing a beat and finding a job right away once I graduated. Well as it turned out, I only went back to work for 8 weeks. Instead of staying at my job until the last possible second or just asking for part time so I could get my internship done, I gave it up entirely and I even stayed home for 2 weeks with my kid before my internship and assistanship began. I stayed home with her again for 4 months while I searched for a full time job, again, something I never thought I would have to or want to do (but I did, it was like a summer vacation and I’m grateful for it!).
There have been times when I have begged my child to do things or understand things she’s not developmentally ready for and I have had to really take a step back and be patient with her and with myself. It finally dawned on me that I can’t rush her and the things we want to happen will, all in good time. As long as mancakes and I continue to provide structure and set expectations, she will eventually achieve her milestones and blast on through to the next ones like we’ve seen her do in her 2 years of life. You should see her bed time routine! It hasn’t changed in over a year and it has proven to work beautifully every night. She adores consistency and routine, it helps her thrive.
Have you caught my epiphany moment yet? Yep, I guess it seems that I gotta take it easy on my fluff too. Obviously, it’s not a person that I can reason with or a pet I can train. But weight loss is a lot like parenting, it takes time, persistence, patience and most of all, consistency. If I keep pushing against my excess weight through a healthy diet and lots of exercise, it eventually has to relent to my efforts. I have to trust that the results will show up over time, I just need to be patient with any adjustments or needs my body might have that could cause the occasional gain. All I know is that after 2 years of parenting, I get better results using the “killing it with kindness” method than with anything else. So body, you’re going to keep getting all sorts of lovins from me in the form of healthy food, water and ass-kicking workouts! You’re welcome in advance 😉